Dear Anya Willowbranch,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but Our romance is over. I think I realized it Last year when you peed your pants In your apartment and I saw you Carve your initials into My father. I'm sure you're Sly enough to understand That you need a sex-change. I'm returning The cut toenails and The results of that blood-sample as a memory. You should also know that I Told in my confession today about the moose poaching and You should get that embarrassing rash checked.

Please don't hurt me,
Lizylace


Now, FILL IT IN ..
Dear ____,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I'm returning ___8___ and ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ and ___11___.


___12___,
then write your name here



1.

What's the color of your shirt?

Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White – I’m joining the Convention
Black - I dislike your eyelashes
Green - Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're mean
Other - I'm in love with your cat


2.

Which is your birth month?

January - That night you picked your nose
February - Last year when you peed your pants
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on the little dog
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When you smacked my ass
August - When I saw the purple monkey
September - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
October - When I quoted Forest Gump
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear



3.

Which food do you prefer?

Tacos - In your apartment
Lasagna- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper


4.

What's the color of your socks?

Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put whipped cream on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over


5.

What's the color of your underwear?

Green - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Black – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – My Shoe
None – My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude
Other - The elephant in the corner


6.

What do you prefer to watch on TV?

Scrubs; Man
O.C.;Emotional
One Tree Hill; Open
Heroes; Frostbitten
Lost; High
House; Sly
Simpsons; Cowardly
Grey's Anatomy; Scarred
American Idol; Masochistic
Family Guy; Senile
Top Model; Middle-class
Annat; Ashamed


7.

Your mood right now?

Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Confused- That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Bored- That you need a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Silly - That there is no solution to you being a dumbass
Other - That your driving sucks


8.

What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?

White -Your New Kids on the Block blanket
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - Your Elton John poster
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from Vegas
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your toe ring
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your car


9.


The first letter of your first name?

A/B - Your car
C/D - The oil tank from your car
E/F - Your neighbor's dog
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of that blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your love letters
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your glass eye
Y/Z - Your credit cards


10.

The last letter in your last name?

A/B - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
C/D - Mocked you constantly behind your back
E/F - Always wanted to break your legs
G/H – Hate your cooking
I/J – Never will forget that night
K/L - Will tell the authorities that you did steal that whale in the back yard
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Was interviewed about the car you stole
Q/R - Always will remember the pep talks
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – Am better off without you


11.

What do you prefer to drink?

Water- Our friendship is ruined
Beer – you should stop picking your nose
Flavored water – I’m off to lead a new life as a nun
vitamin water – I will haunt you when I’m incarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Wine – Thanks for the Cocaine
Cider – I have a passionate interest for men.

Juice – I love Oprah Winfrey
soda – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Diet Soda - You ruined my attempts at another world war
Other – I'm scratching my ass as you read this


12.

To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?

Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Italy - Best of luck on the sex-change
England - Go to jail
Spain - Go drown yourself
China – You make me sick
Germany – Go milk a cow
Japan - Please don't hurt me
Greece - Our friendship is ruined
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my ass
France – With tears of sadness....